Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
