fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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