i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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