when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
