that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
