Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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