Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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