That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
