I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize
