Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
