Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
