Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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