it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
