He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
accomplished twins. life is a go
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
