I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
