I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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