garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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