There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
