We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize