Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
