I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Your dad touched me again.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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