i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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