He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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