Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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