Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
