Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
