worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
