The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize