I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize