I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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