1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
