It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
