We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
