my vag is so smooth its legendary
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
