I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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