When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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