So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize