it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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