does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
