the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
