I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
