I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
