pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
