drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
