When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
