Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Send help, water and tortillas.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
