There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
