I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
