I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
