Rock
Scissors
Fuck
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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