Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
