8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
