so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
