still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
