dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
