Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
