I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
