first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
