I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
