okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
