My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
