my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize