i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
