Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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