Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
