I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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