fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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